the contradiction that is cottbus

yesterday i made my way to cottbus. i should say reluctantly. when i woke up in the morning my mind was busy manufacturing 101 excuses why not to go. if not for the fact that i was meeting up with my classmates after a long time and that one of my classmates is making nanaimo bar, a canadian treat that you could totally get addicted to, i would have just grabbed at one of the excuses and sat in berlin.
it is quite surprising, because when i lived in cottbus, i had so much fun that at one time i thought that if i die now i will die a happy person. i remember in the beginning, when everyone was complaining how small the city is, i was like wow, you could go everywhere by walk. and when they said that you hardly meet any people on the streets, i was like well, no one to invade my private space.
for one who lived all her life in a big concrete jungle, forever jostling for space, compact and green cottbus came as a refreshing break. cottbus and its everyday-a-party theme also exposed my wild side, of which i had no clue! but it only took me two semesters to figure out that i am a true blue big city girl. the novelty soon wore off. the fact that you meet the same people in class, at supermarkets, at the dormitory and at the clubs made me feel claustrophobic. one fine day i moved to berlin.
now whenever i had to go to cottbus to discuss my thesis or to pay my fees, an inexplicable feeling grip me. the city is truly frozen in time. i am sure if i go there after 20 years, things will be the same. so usually i do my things asap, and get out before cottbus even notices i am there. yesterday was no exception either.
but as i made my way to catch the last train back to berlin, my mind played a montage of all the good times i had in cottbus. i guess i will remember cottbus fondly as long as i live but if someone ever ask me if i want to move back again, i will probably go ballistic. go figure that one.