cast a cold eye -- and pass by

just a quick post about this book that i am reading. stadt des goldes is my first german novel. i had apprehensions about reading it in the beginning. here i am convincing myself that i could speak german, but what if i do not understand anything. it is one thing to ham your way through everyday german, quite another to actually confront it in black and white. but i am glad i started it. now i am more than hopeful that i could one day read günter grass in german. still a long way, at least i have begun the journey.
stadt des goldes (city of gold) is a great book, set in a south africa that is recovering from apartheid. and it revolves around a journalist from berlin, who comes to johannesburg representing a german media and his friend, a south african girl, who served five years in the united states for trafficking drugs. i am not qualified enough to comment on the style of the language, but should say it flows smoothly. the author, norman ohler, weaves his fiction and facts seamlessly together.
at one point, when the journalist writes to his editor questioning the very essence of life, the editor, from the cool comfort of his office, tells him: vergiss nicht (don't forget), cast a cold eye -- and pass by. got me thinking, this one. i remember the time when i was a cub reporter and believed earnestly that i could make a difference in the society. the problem, my then boss had ruthlessly informed me, was that i get too involved: i should learn to stand apart and be objective. i guess he will be proud of me now. these days hardly anything affects me. i can cast a cold eye and pass by. no problem at all. i am not called a survivor for nothing.
but stadt des goldes is making me wonder: perhaps i have lost something precious in the bargain? i have no sense of purpose anymore, i am just drifting in the sea of life.